


Uncertain Sense

by Aoi_Sensei



Category: the GazettE
Genre: Aliens, Alternate Universe - Aliens, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Institutions, One-Sided Attraction, Psychic Abilities, Space Gays, UFOs, fatal sickness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2018-12-16 07:02:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11823618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aoi_Sensei/pseuds/Aoi_Sensei
Summary: He was dying. That was his reality according to everyone else. He was dying and he was alone. But in his head he had Aoi, an otherworldly beauty who keeps him company when he needs it the most. If only Kouyou could be whisked away from the institute and into the stars, needing sweet sweet relief from the clusterfuck known as his life.





	1. The Beginning of the End

It had started with plain curiosity. When Aoi was a child he loved to wander off in search of great adventures. He loved the red plush mountains and the golden rolling hills. But by far his favorite thing was to let the purple water of the seas wash over his body.

 

The colorations were not at all odd to him, for this is what he had known his whole life. It was normal to him as he would soon find the blue skies being normal to humanity. All it took was one faithful day of adventures paired with a hole in space and time to change both boys’ lives forever.

 

Deciding to go catch some hanbarki with his net in hand, little Aoi pushed his way through the thick fiery brush to get to the clear amethyst body of water that made up the secret pond. How long had it been since someone had found such a hidden paradise? Aoi had guessed maybe seven sky dances ago. An equivalent to three and a half humans years.

 

Dipping his net into the liquid he searched for the winged fish like creatures he had his heart set on capturing. Hanbarki was no treasure nor was it a delicacy among his people. They were a creature that was simply just fun to catch and keep as pets. Aoi however was not interested in housing such things. Instead he enjoyed catching them and selling them to other kids who weren't as gifted with fishing or couldn’t be bothered to go catch one themselves.

 

Over the course of an earth hour he managed to snag a grand total of five. Pleased with this, the small child decided to take a much needed rest. Sitting in the slightly orange grass, he slipped out a snack his mother had prepared for him earlier that day, chewing on it as he played with the blades.

 

The grass here matched the rest of the mountain side, much to his pleasure. It was rare to find dark grass. In the mainlands grasses were a bright golden color, stretching as far as the eye can see. So plain. So mundane. Gazing over the terrain he did notice a few golden blades sticking up here and there, but the grass mainly stayed consistent to the rest of the vegetation.

 

For the barks of the trees were a dark reddish brown color and the leaves were ablaze in dazzling oranges and reds that matched the pastel ruby skies of his world. It was cozy and peaceful and the raven haired boy almost fell asleep at how warm the colors were making him feel.

 

Stirring slightly, now drowsy, he noticed something peculiar. Crawling closer to inspect it out of curiosity, he discovered a puddle. The fact that there has been no storms here in the past sky dance wasn’t even the weirdest part. The weirdest part about it is the coloration of the said liquid filling the space. The water was _blue_.

 

Scared yet intrigued, Aoi looked at it closer, checking to see if there were any hanbarki swimming in it for it was a good size. Instead he saw something much more startling, much more bone chilling. An image of a small humanoid not much older than himself. In the image the grass was green and the color of the sky matched that of the blue liquid.

 

The child was giggling, playing with some yellow waddling creature he had never seen before. It was something that simply didn’t exist. Everything from his hair to his clothes to the animal was astoundingly other worldly. But the look on the boys face… He was so happy. So full of wander and delight just as he himself was.

 

Frozen with confusion and adrenaline, Aoi couldn’t bring himself to tear his eyes away from the picture. Slowly the boy on the other side started to notice him. Only when he screamed in surprise and terror did Aoi finally jolt away. Heart pounding in shock, he scrambled to his feet. Abandoning the hanbarki he had caught, the child sped down the mountain in tears, instantly flying into his grandmothers loving arms to tell her what he saw.

 

 

 

That had been the very beginning, the event that had started it all. That night his grandmother sat him down and told him about distant lands all throughout the universe. Rocking her grandson lovingly in her lap she explained to him what scrying was and why he had such abilities.

 

“My dear child.” She had chuckled, starting to braid his long locks. “You are one of the few descendants of our clan that can see otherworldly things.”

 

“Can mother see them too?” He had wondered out loud, his head dizzy from how fast everything seemed to move.

 

Humming thoughtfully, she continued. “No, no. It doesn’t choose all of us… the gift I mean. But I can see. I can see everything and nothing. All worlds and all realities and everything in between. And you, my dear, have found your cosmic other half.”

 

“My other half?” What did she mean by that? Did he have an alien brother somewhere? It made no sense to him at all. He looked up as her movements paused. Realizing she was growing more stern he gave her his full attention. It wasn’t often his grandmother wore a serious look, but he knew whatever it was that erected such a reaction out of her must have been important.

 

“This is very important for you, Yuu.” He shivered as she used his birth name, a name only those closest to one were allowed to know. “I know it’s scary, but it’s very very important to be brave. Remember that.”

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“How are you feeling today, Kouyou?”

 

The honey blonde glanced up halfheartedly as the heavy door to his confinement opened. He gazed at the doctor with glossy eyes, feeling beyond exhausted. He just wanted to rest, was that too much to ask?

 

“I’m fine.” He murmured just enough to be heard. He watched as the man in the white coat sat in front of him.

 

The doctor nodded, no doubt writing down Kouyou’s behavior on the chart. “Can you answer a few questions for me?” He waited for the young mans nod before he continued. “How long have you been able to see Yuu?’

 

Jaw tense, Kouyou had to resist the urge to gouge this fuckers eyes out. “Don’t call him that!” He snapped rabidly, causing the doctor to jolt back in surprise. “Only I’m allowed to call him that.”

 

“I see…. And why is that?” Dr. Suzuki asked slowly, sighing as the honey blonde turned away from him, refusing to speak. Kouyou was like this more and more now. When he was first admitted to the institution he was much more open and willing to talk - but as time went on the young man began to shut down more and more.

 

It broke the doctors heart, and he’d admit it. Kouyou was one of the few he knew didn’t really belong here. It seemed that he still had an imaginary friend as a coping mechanism but this was no case of schizophrenia as the boys parents were so dead set on believing. Kouyou could function, he was harmless, never hurt a fly.

 

Kouyou’s incarceration here was all around unfair in his professional opinion, but there was not much he could do when the Takashima’s were forking over thousands of dollars to the ward. His supervisor, being greedy as most in the higher ranks, had pressed him to keep Kouyou here for as long as he could. It’s been over half a year now and the poor boy is suffering way too much...

 

“I’m sorry, I’ll call him Aoi. Is that better?”

 

Starting to slowly uncoil, Kouyou nodded.

 

“How long have you been able to see Aoi?”

 

“I first saw him when I was nine. I saw his reflection in the pond of our country vacation house.”

 

“And what were your first thoughts?”

 

“Well… It just scared me. I didn’t really have any.”

 

“I see...” He wrote down more notes. They had been through this many times before, no doubt was it just repetitive bullshit to Kouyou. Unfortunately it was required to revisit the issue once every two weeks. “What is Aoi?”

 

“He’s a ghost. He latched onto me and has haunted me every sense. Well.. Haunting.. We’re friends. It’s not like he wants to possess my body or anything.”

 

“Is that so? Do you see him every day?”

 

“No, only when I ask for him to come. Though sometimes if hes sad or just misses me he’ll come on his own.”

 

Nodding, the doctor leaned back. “And when was the last time you saw him?” He watched as Kouyou’s body language became more rigid. An interesting reaction to the question.

 

“Three months ago.” He confessed, much to Dr. Suzuki’s confusion.

 

He expected for Kouyou to lie, to say he hadn’t been visited even though he has been. Kouyou had avoided the topic the past four sessions they had. Noticing the tears starting to fall, the older man instantly knew he spoke the truth.

 

“I miss him.” Kouyou hiccuped, quickly wiping his face in a desperate, though futile, attempt to hide his tears. “God I miss him so much-” Hugging himself his delicate frame trembled with every nerve wracking sob that escaped his full lips. “I tried. I tried. I tried!” He chanted, struggling to breathe through his cries.

 

“I tried to keep him out. I told him to leave me alone and he hasn’t come back. I tried to make everyone leave me alone. I tried so I can go home and sleep in my bed. But I can’t! I can’t! I miss him too much! I want him back!”

 

“Kouyou.” He spoke calmly. “If you don’t calm down I’m going to have to call a nurse, okay?”

 

Nodding frantically, the boy sucked in a deep shaky breath, hiccuping as he rushed to wipe his face clean. “I’m sorry, doctor.” He whimpered, slowly starting to calm down.

 

Suzuki handed Kouyou some water, waiting patiently. They paused the dession for five or six minutes to let Kouyou calm down before he began again.

 

“Do you remember what caused your last breakdown? The one that made your parents think you needed to be in here?”

 

Sipping from the plastic cup, the blonde nodded weakly. “I do.”

 

“Can you tell me what it was?”

 

“I saw a UFO.”

 

Another sigh. It was circles with him. It was always circles with him. No matter how many times they had gone through this, it was always the same. “Kouyou… we both know that isn’t why.”

 

“Then what is it?” He whispered, desperately searching Suzuki’s eyes for some kind of answer. “Why am I here then?”

 

“Because….” The greying man put the clipboard down, giving his patient his undecided attention. “The day you were diagnosed with cancer was the day you physically and mentally broke down. The reason why you’re still here isn’t because of Aoi or because of the UFO. It’s because you refuse to acknowledge your illness. Because you completely mentally shut down and now you refuse to face reality.”

 

“No-” Kouyou breathed, his heart pounding faster and faster, nearly palpitation out of his chest. “No! No! That’s not true, it’s not!” It couldn’t be! It didn’t make any sense! He had never been diagnosed with anything like that. That was a lie! It wasn’t real. “That’s not why.” He whispered like a mantra, hardly noticing as a nurse came in to haul him back to his room. “That’s not why!”

 

 

Dr. Suzuki watched sadly as his patient was carried off. “That poor boy.” He took his glasses off, cleaning them as he thought long and hard. He was so fragile, his body, heart, soul, and mind. No one could blame him, none of the doctors or nurses did. Kouyou was an absolute sweetheart.

 

It wasn’t fair that he had to undergo his cancer treatments here instead of a proper hospital or even at home. To make matters even worse the treatments did cause memory problems. It just seemed like life was all around against that boy. So young, only twenty years old and already he was dying on top of rotting away in a mental institution. Oh how the universe had wronged him so.


	2. Dripping Insanity

“Hey… hey… it’s okay.” Kouyou flinched slightly when he felt fingers running through his hair. Realizing who the voice belonged to, he immediately relaxed and melted into the touch. “Please don’t cry.” He couldn’t help but to smile at that, cracking his eyes open. There he was, his raven headed sprite. The most ethereal man in the world. Yuu was nearly glowing he was so beautiful. Maybe the doctor was right, maybe Yuu wasn’t real.

 

Whimpering at the thought, Kouyou’s bottom lip trembled again as he reached for his ghost. Strong arms enveloped him, pulling Kouyou into his lap as he continued to pet his hair. “I was beginning to get worried.” He whispered, pressing kisses atop of his head. “You scared me, I thought I’d never see you again.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Came Kouyou’s trembling voice as he buried his face into Yuu’s shoulder. It didn’t feel real to him, not that it ever did. Yuu was made of a solid mass but it wasn’t solid enough. Kouyou could still see through the slightly translucent body of the man he came to love, and hugging him was like hugging a firm pillow. Was too soft to be real, not solid enough. He could feel it.

 

Yuu’s skin held no heat but it wasn’t cold either. Every time Kouyou thinks he caught a whiff of what was hopefully Yuu’s scent he only ended up smelling himself. Was Yuu real? Does it even matter at this point? Yuu was real to him… isn’t that all that matters? When both boys were younger he recalled Yuu telling him that he came from another planet. A planet with exclusively red trees and golden grass and dark skies with seven dim moons. Nothing like that could exist, Kouyou decided in that moment, and so he chalked it down as Yuu’s imagination. Since then the raven hadn’t spoken about that land again. A part of Kouyou wish he had, because then it would be easier to face reality. To face that Yuu wasn’t a real being with feelings and a heart.

 

The ghost watched him silently, holding him as close as he could with an unreadable look on his face. He looked exhausted, the blonde noted. Exhausted and thinner, as if he hadn’t been eating or sleeping. Kouyou could tell that Yuu was thinking the same about himself and he knew it was true. He doesn’t remember being diagnosed, but he remembers the first few treatments of chemo. He remembers throwing up for hours and hours, shaking and crying as he stripped off his clothes and pressed himself weakly against the cool tile floors. He remembers throwing up in this hell too. Remembers the last time his best friend saw him he fainted and was out cold for three whole days.

 

The poor boy’s head began to spin as he tried to take in the massive waves of memories and feelings. So it was true, he was sick. And it was true that Yuu, his beloved, wasn’t real. A sob escaped his lips as he covered his mouth, turning away from his Yuu. The older man only held him tighter and rocked him gently. “What’s wrong?” His Kansai dialect begged to know. Long fingers carefully pushed stray strands of hair out of Kouyou’s eyes before they softly caressed his cheeks. Unable to resist, Kouyou’s dark brown eyes met with Yuu’s electric ones. He was real. Wasn’t he? There were so many emotions in those orbs, how could they all be an illusion? His eyes fluttered as he felt the silky lips press against his forehead, and his heart instantly filled with calm. But he had to say something. He had to tell his black beauty. He had kept this from him for far too long, it wasn’t fair to him.

 

Right as the honey blonde parted his plump lips to speak, the door slowly opened. Head snapping towards the sound, Kouyou fell speechless when he spotted his best friend peeking in. “Aki!” He gasped, quickly wiping the tears from his face. Akira watched as Kouyou uncurled from the awkward position he was in, forcing a smile on his face so the honey blonde couldn’t tell how he was feeling.

 

“Ko, hey! Is it okay if I come in?”

 

“Yeah.” He pressed the back of his hand to his sticky cheeks in an effort to make himself more presentable. “Sorry, I was just talking to Yu-Aoi.” He caught himself quickly, smiling up at him shyly.

 

Akira looked around silently before his eyes finally landed on his friend. Fuck he looked so thin and frail. It broke Akira’s heart to see him like this. He tried hard to visit Kouyou at least every other day, but so far a week had passed since he last laid eyes on the once bigger man. “Cool.” He replied slowly, already knowing that he’d never see Aoi. The blonde approached cautiously, gingerly sitting next to him. “Sorry I haven’t visited in so long.”

 

“Oh, it’s okay. I don’t even remember how long its been. I’ve mainly been sleeping.”

 

Akira watched him fidget, his thin frame trembling with every move of his body. “How have you been doing?” He asked, rubbing his best friend’s back. Kouyou gave a small shrug. “I heard your treatments are going well.”

 

“They’re killing me.” He mumbled, taking interest in his fingers as he played with them in his lap. He was unable to meet Akira’s gaze. He hated the pained look in his brothers eyes.

 

“They’re not killing you, Ko.” He sighed. “They’re helping you.”

 

“Then why do they make me so sick I can’t eat? Why do they put me in so much pain that I can’t sleep unless I have six different drugs in my body?” Kouyou’s voice trembled with raw emotion, and Akira’s heart broke further. “I want to go home, Aki.” Kouyou’s gaze finally rose, newly shed tears running their course down the curves of his cheeks.

 

Akira had to clear his throat of it’s blockage, forcing out the words as he struggled to hold back his own tears. “I know.” Instantly Kouyou was pulled into his embrace, burying his face in the honey blonde locks. Kouyou’s hair smelled toxic, like chemicals. It didn’t smell like fresh cinnamon and honey, or like his natural healthy musk. He smelled as sickly as he looked. He was loosing his essence.

 

Akira couldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t stand by and watch as his friend was pumped full of drugs in a place that scared him. Kouyou didn’t deserve this, he was a bright and beautiful man who once had such a promising future ahead of him. Now he was reduced to tears, skin, and bones. Akira knew he had nothing left but Aoi at this point, the Aoi they were trying to rip away from him, were trying to deprive him of. His last comfort. His last true tether to reality. They think that it would help him but they’re making him worse, Akira could see it right before his eyes. They really were killing him.

 

“I’m going to get you out of here, okay?” He pressed a kiss to the top of Kouyou’s head. “I promise.”

 

 

As soon as he wrapped up his visit, Akira went straight for his dad’s office. Right as he raised his knuckles to wrap on the door it opened. His father’s eyebrows rose, but he stepped aside and let his son in silently. He already knew what Akira was here for, he was just thinking the same thing the other day. “We’re taking Kouyou home.” Akira murmured, jaw tight. It wasn’t a demand, but it wasn’t a question either.

 

Dr. Suzuki took his glasses off, wiping them on his lab coat. “I know that we need to.” He sighed. “I’m putting together efficient data to convince his family to let him come home with us. Including a detailed report about ow his mental state has worsened with incarceration.”

 

“Dad, you’re already-?”

 

“For the better half of two weeks.” He smiled, chuckling as his teary-eyed son wrapped him into a bone crushing hug full of gratitude.

 

“Thank you! Thank you!” Blushing, Akira quickly brushed the tears away as he broke the embrace. “I just can’t do it anymore dad… I hate seeing him like this. He’s not eating or sleeping well. He’s suffering so much.”

 

“I see it too.” Dr. Suzuki sighed. “And so do the nurses. We’re going to do something about it.” He promised. “And soon. Better yet, go clean out the guest room for him. I’m going to call his family tonight.”

 

“Really?” Akira’s eyes lit up. He was like a child in that moment. An excited child that just received the greatest news of his life. Usually Akira acted very mature for his age. He was a quiet but soft man, not shy but very neutral. His temper was non-existent and he never ever cried in front of anyone. Despite being very muscular, Akira was a very sensitive and kind young man, and his father was proud that his beautiful son never gave in to toxic masculinity. Though he himself could be rather old fashioned, he believed it was their job as parents to better the new generation. Akira would do just that. So compassionate and deeply loving as he was, his father had no doubt in his mind.

 

* * *

 

After Akira left, Kouyou doubled over and threw up all over his floor. He hadn’t eaten much that day, just some crackers, so the contents was mainly made up of bile and acid. He threw his shaking hands up to push the hair out of his face, staring blankly at the wall in front of him as tart drool traveled down his chin.

 

What day was it? That’s what he suddenly wondered. Or more importantly, what time was it? Was it bed time? He felt tired, eyes felt heavy, body trembling with every heave of his chest. He thought so, it must be bedtime. Resting his head on the pillow and bringing his knees up to his chest, Kouyou closed his eyes. He focused on Yuu petting his hair, singing a lullaby in his native language.

 

Turning his face, he pressed into Yuu’s hand, looking up at him through his lashes. “You’re so pale, my love.” His beauty sighed sadly, leaning down to kiss Kouyou’s temple. He was weak. A weak human with a weak body and a weak heart. Almost instantly he was crying again, desperately reaching out for Yuu. As soon as his hand wrapped around Yuu’s wrist the raven headed man in front of him turned into smoke. Then nothingness.

 

Alarmed, Kouyou sat up quickly. “Yuu?” He called, gazing around. This had never happened before. There was nothing, no one. He was alone. His beloved Yuu gone. “Yuu?” His voice trembled along with his bottom lip. That’s when it hit him. Kouyou brought his hands up, burying them in his hair as he grabbed and pulled as hard as he could. A heart breaking scream echoed through his room and down the corridor as he finally broke. Footsteps of a fleet of nurses rang out, then his door being violently thrown open. He was so out of it that he couldn’t focus on their blurry faces as they crowded him. Stop it. Stop it. “Stop touching me!” He begged, struggling to get out of their hold as he bawled on the top of his lungs. Kouyou squeezed his burning eyes shut, his lungs gasping for air, and then nothing.

 

Dr. Akira rushed in just as Kouyou went limp. “Get him some oxygen!” He barked, taking the young man into his arms, watching him gasp for breath. He cradled Kouyou like he was his own child, petting his hair to soothe him in his sleep. “Who did this?” His authoritative gaze pierced the nurses. ‘This patient is not authorized anesthesia with his cancer medication. You could have killed him.” Instantly all three bowed their heads, no one owning up to their potentially fatal mistake. With a final huff, the doctor carried Kouyou down the corridor to the ICU. Hopefully he’ll be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Can you tell I love dialogue??? Anyways I plan for this to be 6 or 7 chapters long, I'm so excited for you guys to see the ending!


End file.
